Dear Jennifer: I am in love with a man who says he loves me, and we have made long-term plans that include marriage. Months ago he said he bought an engagement ring for me but I have yet to see it. We have a long distance relationship and although he says he is coming to see me, to bring my ring and to formally propose marriage, he has not done that yet. Is he just playing me or is he serious? My heart is breaking because I truly love him and I feel like such a fool because I have believed everything he said to me and thought he was sincere. I cannot continue to be treated this way and now I don’t know what to do. My life is on hold because I’m waiting for him to act and I’m afraid that I may never find the love I truly desire with a man who loves, honors, and appreciates me, and who fulfills his commitments. What should I do?
Jennifer’s Answer: I know it’s tough when someone says one thing and does another, and it is clear that there is something which is preventing this man from acknowledging the relationship and honoring his commitments to you. Your life is not on hold, unless you allow it to be, and you do have options but they may not include him. He may be sincere, but relationship and commitment may not have the same meaning for him, as they do for you. The proof of his intention is in the actions he takes and he isn’t taking action. Maybe that’s out of fear, perhaps it is out of his own feelings of unworthiness. But whatever it is, it is time for you to move on and that doesn’t necessarily mean closing the door on this person and this relationship, just opening the door to some new options and opportunities.
Strong attractions like this are entry portals into powerful karmic cycles, in which we start a connection at the same energy where we left off in our previous lifetime together. You may have rejected him or broken his heart before and now he is coming forward again, with an unconscious memory of what happened previously. While you are, perhaps unconsciously, trying to atone for what you did, he is, also unconsciously, making you pay for his heartbreak. Neither of you is doing this intentionally but you are both stuck in this cycle and playing off of each others’ fears. This is also a multi-dimensional relationship, especially where he isn’t aligned with the potential you see in him and you’re working harder at this relationship than he is. To find out more about this topic and see a list of the 10 signs of a Multi-Dimensional Relationship, you can click here.
There are three issues here, the healing you want to create with him, what you want in a relationship, and what you want from him in a relationship. You’re lumping them all together into one situation but they need to be addressed individually. The most important thing is what you want in a relationship and to create that for yourself. Then the person who can meet you at that level of intention, frequency, and vibration will join you. Just know that it may not be him, but it will be someone who has a similar intention and the same level of energy. You have to create the space for what you want in a relationship, just take this man’s name off of the door. He may be one option, but there can be others.
Once you set your intention for your relationship needs, stay with it. Don’t wait for him, let him know what you have done and give him an exclusive invitation to join you, put your life on hold, or hope and pray that he will ‘see your light’. You may not live ‘happily ever after’ with him but you will allow yourself to find the love and commitment that you want. Be prepared to accept that he doesn’t share your relationship vision and accept his choice, without sadness or guilt. You cannot make him see the value of what you offer, unless he values what you offer and at this point, he doesn’t He has a choice to make and it has to be a choice that he is comfortable with. You may also find that once you back off he moves forward, but you will only know that if you back off and give him some space to move. This stalemate you are in cannot continue for you, so move out of it. And what you will gain is peace and the relationship that meets your needs, from someone who can give it to you.
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