Dear Jennifer: I recently ended a twenty year friendship with someone because I can no longer handle her criticism, her sarcasm and negativity. She makes these comments about everyone, including me. Although we have had some good times together, I have noticed, in the past three years, that as I have been more diligent in following my spiritual path, she has been even more critical of me. Since I told her that I could no longer be friends with her, she is accusing me of judging her and telling me that I’m not being very spiritual. Am I wrong in setting these boundaries with her and are they judgments? What is the difference?
Jennifer’s Answer: The short answer to your question is that it is a boundary which is a judgment, and not all judgments are bad. As we become more clear about the direction and path we want for our lives, everything that is not aligned with that becomes very obvious to us. Even if we have been with certain people or within certain situations for decades, we begin to notice the difference in energy as our own energy shifts. Then, things we have been tolerating or allowing even though we don’t like them, begin to look and feel different to us and we are less willing to tolerate them. And our boundaries begin to narrow, which simply means that we make more conscious choices about the types of energy we allow into our energetic space and where we put our own energy.
Boundaries are important because they manage the flow of our energy. If you want something to drink, for example, what do you do? You put water into a container you can easily drink from. Without that container, you would pour water on the floor or in the sink, which is not an optimal way to satisfy your thirst. It’s the same with energy. As you create boundaries you create a container for your energy that manages where it flows and what flows towards you. Boundaries are ways to manage your energy that are a type of judgment, and not all judgments are bad.
“I don’t eat shellfish” is an important judgment if you know that you are allergic to shellfish. “Everyone in my life loves, honors, and respects me” is a both a boundary and a judgment that describes the kinds of energetic exchanges you want from others in your life. “Everyone hates me” is a judgment that creates a boundary — only people who hate you will be allowed into your life. We have boundaries because without them our energy is scattered. In 3D we need to use judgments to create boundaries so we know where our energy is going and what kind of energy we will allow in our life
As you shifted your energy, your friend had the opportunity to be open to the new energy paradigm you were creating for your life. But she didn’t do that, so the gap between your vibrations became so great that you could no longer tolerate or allow her behavior. The higher your energetic vibration and the more powerful you are in your life, the less you can tolerate lower density energy, it just makes you too uncomfortable. You didn’t judge her, you create a boundary for your own life, which meant that she could either honor the boundary and join you or find another friend. Instead of worrying about her, create intentions for loving, fulfilling relationships with like-energy people in your life. This doesn’t judge or exclude anyone, it is simply a powerful boundary, created by your judgment or choice about the kind of energy you want in your life, that makes your relationships joyful and joy-filled experiences.
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