Dear Jennifer: I had been dating ‘Sam’ for three years and while our relationship had its problems, we got along most of the time. But I wasn’t happy because he wasn’t affectionate with me and was inconsiderate of my feelings so I ended it a year ago. Now Sam has a new girlfriend and I can’t believe he’s doing all of the things with her that he would never do with me, even though I asked him all of the time. I see them around sometimes and he acts like he is really in love with her, which he would never do with me. Why couldn’t he love me like he loves her?
Jennifer’s Answer: I’m sorry that this is making you so sad and you think that someone else is getting the best of Sam’s love, that you should have received. So here’s the good news and the bad news. The good news is that Sam did love you in the best way he could love you, based on his energetic frequency. The bad news is that he could not love you the way you wanted or needed to be loved because the energetic connection, based on his energetic frequency, did not allow that to happen. As unglamorous as it sounds, every person we are connected to, in any capacity, is just an energetic connection. And the frequency, level, and purpose of that vibration will determine every aspect of a relationship.
While it may appear that Sam was holding back on you and not giving you the things you wanted from him, this was a multi-dimensional relationship, where you were at different energy levels (you can read my article on Multi-Dimensional Relationships here). You had to be at an equivalent energy level to fully connect and he is not there. You did say that there were problems, that he wasn’t considerate or thoughtful, which happened because his heart had to be open to you in a way that he was just not capable of. While he can do it with this other person, they have a totally different kind of connection. And be careful with your judgments here, you do not know how this relationship is really working and may be assuming a lot of things that aren’t true.
The worst thing that you are doing in this situation is assuming that Sam could have the same kind of relationship with you that you think he is having with someone else. You are causing yourself a lot of grief by thinking this and it is not true. He had one kind of relationship with you, and has another with the new person. Maybe she is happy with a different kind of heart connection, perhaps he doesn’t have to be as authentic or aligned with her as he did with you, there are many reasons why their relationship looks better to you but it isn’t, it is just different. Know that you got the best that Sam had to give you, within the energetic connection you had, and he did try but he could not be at the level of energetic frequency and vibration that he needed to be, to have a loving, fulfilling, committed relationship with you.
People always give us the most they are capable of giving and the best they have to give. We always think they are holding back when that doesn’t meet our needs but they aren’t. Multi-dimensional relationships are a heart expanding invitation from one person to the other to be at a specific energetic frequency. Sometimes this works out successfully, other times, as you experienced, the other person is not capable of rising to the invitation. So the person extending the invitation can feel cheated, used and not happy. The only solution is to move on, to keep your heart open and extend an invitation to someone who is ready to be at the level of energetic frequency and vibration that you are and with them, you will find the joy, fulfillment and commitment that you want and need.
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