Dear Jennifer: I read your answer to the question about losing everything and am outraged at your assumptions. You say that we choose all our losses consciously or unconsciously? That is condescending and incorrect. By your flawed logic, my lack of energy and attention to my mother as a teenager caused her cancer and death. That’s ridiculous. I was recently downsized from a job I loved and gave my all to, when my position was eliminated. Did I really cause this? In your article you blame the loser for their losses, how dare you put out such blanket statements. You should know that there are losses we have absolutely no control over. I got online tonight in desperation for some hope and reading your article made me feel worse instead of better. I hope no one else stumbles on your really bad advice, as I did.
Jennifer’s Answer: I can understand your fear and anger at the things that are happening in your life. Transformation is not always easy, especially when it comes in unexpected ways that make us feel like we’re being backed in a corner. Your question presents several topics, which I will answer but first I have a question for you. If you are not in charge of all of the events in your life, then who is? How you define a loss versus a blessing or a gain? How you define those in terms of value? And while I am sorry about the death of your mother, I would like you to consider how you can hold yourself responsible for her life choices. (you can read the article referred to at this link)
If we don’t acknowledge that we have power in our life, then we don’t have power over our life. And further, without acknowledging the power we have to create every situation, we deny ourselves the power to change those situations. What you are saying here is that you are powerless in your life — but you aren’t. I will see you as powerful, no matter what your life circumstances are, because I know that you are powerful. But you have to see yourself as powerful before anything in your life can change and to see those changes as positive and beneficial.
You said that you ‘gave your all’ to your job and lost it when your position was eliminated. Were you giving all of your time and energy to your job and if so, what else in your life was not getting your attention? Is there something else you need to be doing with your life that you were not going to do unless your job went away? How long have you thought that you wanted to change but were too afraid to try? Now that path has been opened up for you.
I’m not being thoughtless or inconsiderate of your circumstances. I know all too well, after 6 job layoffs in 8 years, how disappointing it is to work at a job and lose it, and I really liked several of the jobs I lost. But those losses were my opportunities to put my time and energy in other endeavors, which I eventually did. You can too, once you stop blaming everyone else for your problems and be aware of how powerful you are in your life. Did you find this article because you were searching for ‘losing it all’? How about searching for ‘releasing anger’ or ‘creating a happy life’? How powerful can you be if you are not angry?
You channel your power into anger and while that makes you feel powerful, it is not a very useful way to use your energy. Anger is a strong emotion but it’s very limiting because you can only create things in your life that mirror your anger. Are you willing to use your energies in other ways? This is a good time to consider a fresh start, to get clear on the kind of value you want in your life, how you want it to unfold and how willing you are to acknowledge your power (which requires you to accept responsibility for everything that happens in your life).
Finally, regarding the death of your mother, you had nothing to do with her choice. Your attitude towards her as a teenager was probably not different than that of most teens but you have blamed yourself for her death and, I suspect, carry a great deal of guilt and shame around it, feel abandoned by her, and powerless about the situation. This is why you feel so powerless in your life now and why you don’t allow yourself to have too much of anything, including joy. You are punishing yourself for something that you truly had no control over (and one of the only things you have no control over), and that is someone else’s choices. Forgive your mother for leaving you alone, forgive yourself for not appreciating her and for being a typical teen. Then let yourself be blessed by the wonderful things you can create when you acknowledge your power, so you can powerfully create the wonderful, valuable, and valued life that you deserve.
If you like this article and would like to work with me because you are ready for profound personal and spiritual transformation, consider a personal intuitive consultation or intuitive coaching, where we work together to examine your life path, purpose, potential, and possibilities and help you choose one that will bring you the joy, abundance, love, peace and power that you are ready for. Click here to explore the possibilities for transformation.
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