Dear Jennifer: I like your writing and podcast very much and have enjoyed reading your books. I want to share with you something I have been living with for a long time, and I’d like some enlightenment on it, even though it isn’t something that others would consider to be a ‘problem’. In fact, if I talked to people about it, they would wonder what I have to complain about.
I live in a new house, have a good husband, a regular family, and my sons are grown. While I’m grateful for all that, I feel my life is not going anywhere. I have no job although I have many skills. I have always suffered from not knowing what to do, or what my “purpose” in life was.
I am stuck and unhappy , I fell exhausted every day, see myself getting older every day, I can’t see what to do with my life. Sometimes it seems so absurd to be in this world with so many skills and doing nothing. This is a repetition, I’ve tried several jobs but none of them last. Please do not suggest therapy, I have tried them all and I’m tired of them.
Although I have been on the spiritual path for years, and I have no faith in myself or in the Universe. There is a strong belief in me that nothing would last and if I create something, I won’t be able to keep it. I know you talk about intention but how can I intend something if I don’t believe or have faith in the first place? This is a kind of jail for me, and I’d like to be free , but I don’t know how. Thank you for your reply.
Jennifer’s Answer: You’re right, many people who read this question will wonder what you have to complain about but that is not important. It is your life and these are your issues that are causing you pain. That makes them important to you. First of all, I believe you are depressed and I would like you to go see a naturopathic physician and have your D3, magnesium and zinc levels checked. I think this is a big part of your problem. It’s physical, that is manifesting as emotional. Now let’s talk about the fear of losing everything that causes you to be afraid to create anything and your belief that life lives you, instead of your living your life.
Everyone I work with has past life issues that impact their lives today, and this is what is happening with you. From lifetimes of being falsely imprisoned, to having everything you love taken from you, many of your lifetimes involve great loss, sadness, despair and hopelessness. This is what you are feeling today. Why bother using your gifts and talents when they might be used against you? Why put your heart and soul into creating something when it will be taken away from you? And yet, you have put your heart and soul into your family and children and you love them deeply. And you have allowed yourself to enjoy the love of the people around you, even though you do not feel you deserve it or are worthy of it.
One of the ways we express our anger at God for things that have happened in the past is to sabotage our lives by not allowing ourselves to enjoy life, to use our gifts and talents, to create joy or to enjoy our life. I think you have this happening n your life. You know you could be doing something and yet, your anger at God prevents you from having joy. You know that you have imprisoned yourself but your fear of losing everything and having to go through that pain again prevents you from taking the first step. You think you are not living your purpose because you are not doing anything. But your higher purpose is to learn to ‘be’ the joy you are seeking in your life. Then it can manifest for you, once you allow it to. Life is truly without meaning or purpose, other than what we give it. What purpose and meaning are you giving your life or are you waiting for it to tell you what to do next? That’s why you feel stuck.
It would help if you would not judge yourself or your actions and instead, look for solutions that involve taking one step at a time, always focusing on things that you enjoy and that bring you joy. Pick one thing you like to do, and it can be anything, like taking a walk, singing, painting, making something, it doesn’t have to be big or important. It’s best to choose something you can easily do, that won’t take too much time and that isn’t too hard. Do that one thing until you really enjoy it and look forward to doing it. Then do another thing. You believe that your purpose is to be something for others but it is to be something for yourself. So start with you, it’s the only place you can begin.
Once you stop judging and criticizing yourself, which I believe is a childhood issue for you, you can start to see yourself as the wonderful, loving and deserving person you are. And when you are free of your anger and fear, you will easily begin to create your life in a more joyful and powerful way, with grace and ease that won’t feel like hard work. And please remember to have your D3, magnesium and zinc levels checked, I think they are contributing to your depression and once you get those taken care of, you will have more energy, which will cause you to feel much better and this process of changing your focus, belief systems and outlook on your life will be much easier.
If you would like more help, a Karmic Life Path session would definitely help, click here for more information about how these sessions can help you understand your past life connections to the present and how we can heal them. Or, the Soul Wound and Karma Clearing audio would also be beneficial, you can find it here.
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