Dear Jennifer: I have always been a little overweight since childhood and have always been known in my family as the ‘chubby’ one. Lately it’s been bothering me and I have decided to lose some weight. Although I watch what I eat and I exercise, I am gaining weight instead of losing it. It is distressing, since I made a commitment to losing this weight and now when my family sees me, they ask me why I am not losing the weight. Is there a reason for the weight gain, such as the energy downloads and all of the shifts that are happening and how much more weight will I gain until I start losing it?
Jennifer’s Answer: I know the weight gain is distressing and everyone experiences it, as it is how our bodies reinforce our physical presence to keep us centered and grounded during energy shifts and downloads. With you, though, there are other reasons for the weight gain that have more to do with how you see yourself and how you interact with your family. Your weight is familiar, protective and helps you maintain boundaries with the people in your life, it also creates a connection point with your family that is safe for you.
As you said, everyone knows you as the ‘chubby’ one in your family, which isn’t the way you really want to be known, but it’s safe and familiar. You know they are not taking you too seriously, there is no risk of being judged or criticized by them and it’s easy for you to be undetected by them. But you see yourself this way with everyone and your weight is how you manage other relationships too and limit your exposure to people, as well as limiting how they perceive you. As the ‘chubby one’ you aren’t a threat to anyone.
By losing weight you are also changing this image into one that is, for you, more powerful and has a stronger presence. This conflicts with you desire to be a bit anonymous with them, removes the protection so you are resisting the weight loss by grounding your own body, i.e. putting on weight, because this is where you feel safe, In order to really lose weight you are going to have to find comfort and safety in being the thin, more glamorous, and powerful person, instead of the label you now have.Th
And your family has a very familiar point of contact with you, as the ‘chubby one’ that is both uncomfortable for you as an adult, but it is loving and endearing to you. This is how you know they love you and you aren’t sure that they will love you when you are thin and more powerful and possibly, more threatening to them as a different kind of person. This is another area for you to consider as you need to be comfortable with your new image before you allow yourself to attain it. Once you are clear that you will be OK with being powerful, think and more glamorous, feeling good about your body and your image and setting new boundaries with the people in your life, then you will be able to lose weight with confidence and will no longer resist the weight loss because you feel that it will change too many things in your life.
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