Dear Jennifer: One of the issues that I have been struggling with, especially in close relationships, is dealing with blame or being the scapegoat. I have a hard time getting or giving myself closure, especially in relationships where I do take responsibility for my mistakes and faults, and try to be assertive when they end. However, I still get blamed for the other people’s actions, faults, or projections. I’m not sure why this is such a big issue for me now and I would like to know how to overcome the soul wound of getting blamed by others. And how do you get over feeling like you are ‘victimized’? I know that I am not necessarily being victimized, however, it becomes such a big issue when I feel like I get blamed unfairly.
Jennifer’s Answer: Allowing others to blame, find fault with, project their anger onto you, or use you as a scapegoat arises from a powerful soul wound that is a response to one of two situation. You were either an abuser in a previous lifetime and you are now allowing your previous victims to abuse you. Or, you were a victim and you are now victimizing yourself to give your previous aggressors the opportunity to change their ways. Either way, there is only one way out of this situation and that’s through self forgiveness. You can learn to be assertive but first you need to stop getting into these situations so you can attract more fulfilling relationships or have better, more peaceful and drama free connections. No one has power over you without you handing your power over to them.
When you are an previous abuser, and while that may be difficult to see yourself as being that way in this lifetime, we have many different kinds of experiences throughout our lifetimes, you try to atone for the abuse you gave others by letting them abuse you. This is one way that we believe we have to close the cycle, by allowing others to do to us what we have once done to them. It is a topic that I discuss in detail in my book, Ascending into Miracles — The Path of Spiritual Mastery, which you can get here. This is a form of atonement, or at-onement, where we try to get back into God’s good graces by being on the receiving end of the abuse we gave to others. But when we do that, we ignore their responsibility in these experiences, and that they also participated in that on a soul level, as part of their karmic journey. Self forgiveness is how you get yourself out of that kind of situation.
The other example of this kind of exchange is being the scapegoat and allowing your previous abusers the opportunity to change their ways. So you present yourself as a victim in different situations and invite them to not abuse you. But abusing others is part of the path and the karmic cycle that they have chosen. The lesson for you is to empower yourself to rise above the belief that you deserve to be abused. So the way out of that cycle is up, by raising your vibrations so you create more fulfilling and powerful relationships for yourself, with people who love, honor, and respect you.
These soul wounds are created as the result of past life trauma and the only way to resolve them is to rise above them, through a shift in your beliefs that allows you to do something different in subsequent lifetimes. That process involves forgiveness but before you can get to forgiveness, you must arrive at the energetic vibration that allows you to consider forgiveness as an option. And to get out of the mindset that if you can change someone else’s choices, your life will be different. The truth is, if you change yourself, then your life can be different because you will stop connecting with people whose purpose in your life is to teach you how to rise above the need to be abused.
All it takes is a tiny shift in beliefs, to move from being victimized to being a victor, from being abused and feeling responsible for the abusers’ choices, to recognizing that everyone is sovereign in their life and chooses according to their own healing needs. Many of these past life traumas are coming to the forefront for us and it’s because in this lifetime we have come to end karma, so we are living with all of our karmic lessons so that we can resolve them. This was a conscious choice and although it feels like we are struggling with no purpose, the true purpose is to help us achieve what we have never done before, to release karma and move ourselves, the family of humanity, and the earth into higher dimensions of being. Karma is a 3D construct and cannot exist in higher dimensions, so we’re being given the opportunity to heal and release our karma and that happens through self-forgiveness, which is an energetic process and not an emotional one. Be ruthless in forgiving yourself and you will heal this trauma and its karma so you can enjoy fulfilling, loving, respectful and joyful relationships with people who are not on your karmic path.
If you like this article and would like to “raise your vibes” and step into more fulfilling, joyful living because you are ready for profound personal and spiritual transformation, consider a personal intuitive consultation or intuitive coaching, where we work together to examine your life path, purpose, potential, and possibilities and help you choose one that will bring you the joy, abundance, love, peace and power that you are ready for. Click here to explore the possibilities for transformation.
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