Q&A: Did I do all I could to prevent my son’s death?

Dear Jennifer:  My son passed away recently, he was only 30 years old and while I know it is a choice, I can’t believe that this gifted, wonderful young man chose death over life. Was this part of our soul contract and did I do my part because I feel like I let him down since he didn’t choose to live. Will I ever recover from my grief?

Jennifer’s Answer:  I know this is a terrible experience for you and you have my sympathy for your loss, losing a child is a difficult challenge for a parent. It’s hard to imagine that anyone would choose to die over living but before we get to that, let’s look at the issue of your soul contract because every parent has one or more soul contracts with their children in which the physical or biological relationship of mother and child is only one aspect. To understand his death, you have to look at the soul contracts you share.

One aspect of a soul contract you had with your son was to provide support, guidance and nurturing, within a loving, safe and secure environment. Also within this contract was your need to raise him through childhood and into adulthood. In previous lifetimes he blamed his death, often by suicide, on the lack of love in his life so he was given that love from you so he could include that as part of his life choices. You had often been separated from him and felt you had abandoned him. In this lifetime you were able to go see him grow from a child into an adult. And as a strong person, you have him the example of how to overcome adversity, another part of his soul contract.

His soul path included choosing between life and death but where he had formerly blamed the lack of love and abandonment on the general unhappiness he always experienced, what he really lacked were the strength and will to go through life, to overcome its challenges and to use love as a foundation to create the joy and peace for himself, that he thought should come from others.

You gave him what he needed to make a choice but you could not make the choice for him. He now realizes that it was the love you provided, combined with his strength, power, determination, courage and will to live, that would have helped him choose differently. The parent/child contract does not always mean that the child will live or choose life. And while we are part of their contracts, they must ultimately choose for themselves. As an empathic and highly sensitive person, your son was so troubled by pain and suffering that he lost his joy and with that, his ability to the potential for life as joy-ful. Overcoming this was an important life lesson for him, one he was not quite ready to learn.

Finally, your life path also includes forgiving yourself for his choices, which you have blamed yourself for in other lifetimes. Over time, your grief will subside so please do not judge or blame yourself for his choices. You did what you could, the rest was up to him and he made the only choice he thought was possible for him. He will have another opportunity to make this choice again, although not with you. Soul contracts can be very complex and the ones you had with your son are rather challenging. But they can lead you to peace, even in the midst of your sorrow and you will find joy again and create a new path for your life.

 

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