Q&A: Why Can’t They Just Get Along?
Dear Jennifer: My mother and my sister do not get along, and that is an understatement. Ever since I can remember, they have been cruel and spiteful towards each other. When we were younger it was my mother who constantly picked on my sister. Now that my sister is an adult, the fighting, name calling, and criticism is more intense and my sister is very cruel to my mother, who responds with more criticism. Their behavior ruins every family gathering and while I can get along with both of them, I’m tired of being the peacemaker and trying to get them to be civil to each other. Why can’t they get along with each other and see how they are creating so many problems for the rest of the family?
Jennifer’s Answer: Family situations like this are hard because we assume that biology creates the potential for loving, positive relationships. But our biology is only a pathway for the healing and transformation of our karma and being part of the same family is a small part of a much larger relationship. In your family, your mother and sister are working through some tough karmic cycles that do not involve you at all, although you are part of the family. In fact, they could use your energy as an example of how to get along with each other but first, they have to decide to end their karmic cycle.
We connect with our soul group members in close relationships, like a family, to set the stage for very deep levels of healing. Without spiritual understanding, these relationships serve to make the karma more difficult because of all of the expectations that we have about family dynamics. Rather than use the connection to heal karma, it is often made worse because of the hurt feelings and strong emotional energy that exists.
Your mother and sister probably do not realize that their responses to each other have strong karmic roots. All they know is that they cannot bear to be around each other, there is a lot of anger, and they have a strong desire to overpower or control the other one, based on fears from past life situations. They don’t understand that forgiveness and surrender are required, both of which they see as signs of weakness and losing the battle that they are fighting with each other.
You need to understand that this does not involve you and remove yourself from them and their karma. Until they decide to resolve their issues, they will see your attempts as interference and may turn their anger towards you. I know you want them to get along but that is a choice they have to make. You present them with an opportunity to seek higher ground in their relationship but that is not going to happen until they want this outcome and that doesn’t appear to be possible at this time. If you will stop focusing on them and their issues, release yourself from the frustration and anger you are feeling, and create other relationships that serve you in a more positive way, you will not be as bothered by their issues and will have the courage to move on and connect with people who serve your desire for peace and joy in your life. And in the meantime, perhaps you can have family get-togethers and not invite them, or seek out new, more energetically matched connections that are not so karma and drama filled.
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