Dear Jennifer: I have been married for over twenty years and I have to admit that the last five years have been especially challenging. My husband began drinking, is no longer willing to socialize with me, I think he may be having an affair and I have been so upset that I have gained over forty pounds. I feel like my marriage and my life are falling apart and I can’t focus on anything else. How can I save my marriage and renew my husband’s interest in our life together?
Jennifer’s Answer: When I read your question I had the feeling that something was missing in your story and that is what happened five years ago to create this change in your relationship. While you think that your husband has changed, he is merely reacting to a change you have made in your own energy. This has changed the energetic alignment in your relationships and you are aware of is his fear because your energetic alignment has changed. Your karmic cycle with him has been activated and what you do next is important for both of you. Although you do not feel like it, you have the power to change this situation so it activates the highest good of everyone.
The more you focus on your fear of your marriage ending, the more you are creating the potential for that. I know it’s hard to not focus on it when it is in front of you every day, but we attract what we give energy to and right now, your energy is going towards your fears about your marriage. I also feel that you are not paying attention to other areas of your life and are waiting to see what your husband does to begin living your life again. Have you considered that all of this, including his behavior, is part of your karmic cycle with him?
When we shift our energy everyone around us is impacted, especially our life partners. They aren’t rejecting you and it isn’t personal, you have created a cascading effect that is forcing him to examine himself and his life. Since you have changed the way he can connect to you, which happens when we shift our energy, he is also feeling uncomfortable and rejected, and he is just as afraid of the marriage ending as you are because you are no longer the same person. What can you do?
First, stop fueling your fears and his. Set your intention to have a loving, fulfilling, and fun marriage. Wake up every day and affirm how wonderful your life and marriage are, how much fun you have with your husband, how kind and thoughtful he is, how much you love your life. Do this every day, all day long. You will see a change start to happen right away because you’re out of your fear and giving the energy a more powerful path to follow. You’re also re-assuring him that you are still there for him, setting new energetic pathways in your life and inviting him to participate in them. Then, live your life and stop waiting for him. Socialize, go out with friends, exercise, do things you like to do and invite him to go. If he says ‘no’, then go anyway. When he stops feeling pressured to change with you, he will become more willing to join you. This is not a promise that your marriage will remain intact; it may or it may not. But if he can’t meet you at your energetic level, you will both be able to make the next choices without fear, anger, resentment or regret.
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