We celebrated Mother’s Day in the US this weekend, a day when we celebrate the woman who gave birth to us. This can be a difficult day for those whose feelings towards their mother are not warm and loving. For many, the mother experience has been one of their life’s greatest challenges and Mother’s Day serves as a reminder of the kind of mother they didn’t have and wish they did. We have so many expectations of our mother so when she doesn’t meet them we feel betrayed, abandoned, and rejected on an exponential level. Mothers play many roles in the lives of their children, on many levels. And we understand those roles when our children are grown and have children of their own. But the mother role is not always one of sweetness and light as our mother is our greatest karmic teacher and in knowing that we can find understanding and hopefully peace with our mother relationship.
While there is no excuse for abuse or some of the truly awful things that some mothers do to their children, there is a much larger karmic and energetic relationship at work in giving a human being life as a mother, which is the most significant energetic connection that we can make with another human. There is a lot of karma involved in a mother relationship, which has the potential for great healing and transformation that can come at the cost of great pain, trauma, and grief. When we get stuck in the emotions, anger, and regret, we lose sight of the healing and transformational potential of this powerful connection. And while there is no excuse or reason for the pain and abuse some mothers inflict on their children, some people do act solely out of their karmic imprints, forgetting to add the compassion and love that would help them make other choices.
Our mothers introduced us to a variety of energies and uses of power that we had to learn to overcome. Not by being angry with our mother, but by finding our way out of the disempowerment that they taught us, which was the source of our lessons in empowerment.
If your mother was unloving, she was your lesson in creating your inner source of love.
If she was jealous or cruel, it was your lesson in honoring your value and learning compassion for yourself.
If she was angry, it was your lesson in finding higher frequencies and vibrations of emotional energy.
If she abandoned or betrayed you, the lesson was to create your own stable source of empowerment from within.
No matter what you experienced at the hands of your mother, the karmic lessons were meant to help you overcome and to thrive beyond them.
When we allow the memory of trauma to become our emotional filter we challenge their actions and try to find understanding when there is often none. Our only powerful recourse is to reject them and what they have done instead of embodying the lesson so we could become more of what we wanted and knew was right for us. Where we have succeeded in creating more joy, love, and peace in our lives than they had in theirs was the purpose of the lessons we learned through them. Our mothers are often our greatest teachers, who present us with our most powerful life lessons, sometimes through our most painful challenges which force us to dig deeply within ourselves to find the love we think they should have given us ‘because they are our mother’.
On Mother’s Day you do not have to pretend your mother was the sweet, kind, loving mother that the media portrays. But try to accept that whatever she did was the best that she could do, find forgiveness and compassion for her, no matter what your circumstances. You do not have to pretend that nothing happened but you have to assess the cost to you of bearing so much pain, trauma, and grief. Acceptance is one of our more challenging life lessons, and it means that we must learn to see people as they are, and not as we wish they could be or think they can be. We each chose our parents for the lessons they could help us learn, for what we needed to overcome so we could become the highest expression of our own energy.
In my work with thousands of clients over several decades, I have heard of the most horrible acts perpetrated on children by their mothers. This is especially true of the generations born before the 1980s and there was a reason for the presence of so much karma, so we could be different parents for the generations of Indigo and Crystal children we would become the parents to. These children needed more loving, supportive, and emotionally engaged parents and the choices we made, because of the way our mothers treated us, became the foundation for our decision to be different parents for our own children.
“Every dark purpose has a light potential. We cannot find that light when we are mired in anger, even if it is justified and it usually is. It does not serve us to stay mired in it. We have succeeded in mothering our children differently than we were mothered, which was our objective in choosing our mother and we have learned to be happy and find our own joy, in spite of the pain we have suffered. And that is our victory, which we can celebrate every day, and on Mother’s Day. To all of the mothers everywhere, happy Mother’s Day.
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